I have always found writing cathartic; it soothes my soul and allows me to take those breaths along the lines of commas and periods and pauses and subject-verb agreements. Writing is something that is innate in my being; I've been doing it for years and someday my hopes and dreams when I finally do grow up and decide what I should be doing with my life is to finish the books that I've had on the burners for years.
Writing about Di has really added another dimension to my writing and telling the stories and reliving the memories that I shared with her and her family helps me to continue my healing process of the great loss that we all experienced when the ugly cancer monster beckoned and took her away. I still miss her everyday and some days are still harder than others but I know that she would want everyone to continue on living their lives and continue to preserve her memory through each of our individual ways.
The most important thing that I believe about writing is that everyone has a story to tell and most people do not take the time to launch into their own expression of their being. It doesn't matter how you say it, what matters is that you DO say it, write it, tell it, live it and love it. So, I continue to write and my mind continues to steadily produce the outflow of my feelings, thoughts and wishes.
If I had my choice; I'd take photos in the day and write at night. Without bills I wouldn't need a job but that's just not the case so I find times in my day and night and take advantage of that time to write.
The clarity that I gain from a strong cup of coffee and a late night-into-early-morning jaunt of words floating through my brain to my fingertips and brushing the computer keyboard is at times amazing. My thoughts sometimes come faster than I can type; legibly....but I get the job done with the help of auto correct most days.
I tend to write at some of the strangest of times and it is just a rush that comes through my brain lighting up the thoughts and the words and most days it happens at least once. I do have dry spots and times when nothing flows except the water down the drain in my kitchen sink. Other times it's all I can do to grab the computer and type and type and type. Before computers, I wrote everything down; little post-it notes that have well wore out their sticky backs, college-lined paper containing poems written in high school that are slowly fading with age, shoe boxes full of little bits and scraps of thoughts, ideas and wishes that one day will be my life's compilations, unfinished and waiting for their turn in the sun to shine.
So, on with MY story, YOUR story and my memories and your memories....
Many of Di's emails had tag lines on them and she took great care in choosing them and changed them often. This was the tag line on an email she sent me 2-12-09, two days before Valentine's Day...two years ago
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy.
It's been a long haul, times and things and people and stuff all move around and change, but remember that you are loved very much and that will never change no matter what. Di always wanted the best for you; even when she was hurting, sad and at her most vunerable. She wished for you to be happy with her for a very long time but she told me that she knew that one day you would be out on your own and she said that she always wanted you to find happiness again.
Di will forever be in our hearts and forever on our minds because she left such an impact on our souls and she would be very happy for you and very proud of the wonderful things that you have accomplished since she left us.
Many blessings to you...always and forever,
Clouds are amazing works of art.
The canvas of God.
People photograph them
People look at them for faces of people and things
People look to the clouds as the heavens
We imagine that the clouds hold the souls of our loved ones
and we pray to the heavens for support, guidance, hope, and sometimes just to look up and know that there has to be something up there just because there has to be.
I find myself looking up towards the clouds and I wonder if Di is up there looking down...or at least I hope so...