Memorial Day Weekend Thoughts

In life we do things all for different reasons and this weekend is very indicative of this phrase. 
We do things for other people, we support people, we cherish people, we celebrate people, we offer a shoulder to cry on, we offer a hug as we extend our hearts and try to heal from the past. 

This weekend was no exception to the reasons why as individuals we care so very much and we hurt so very much.  I found myself sitting off to the side in a church, feeling as alone as I did the day that I took my first walk and my first breath and my first seat to attend Di's memorial.

Peace.
Forever.
Love.
Cath

Joplin Tornado

Social Media

The images, the stories the loss and the sheer magnitude of the eruption of the tornado that decimated Joplin Missouri will be forever etched in the memory of our nation.

From the rubble so many “things” that are mere tangible items are worn and tattered as if they have been through a war, artillery attack or an explosion.
The gut-wrenching stories of those that lived through this horrific ordeal and those that watched their loves ones perish or are still looking and holding onto the hope that they will be found tatters the landscape of this sleepy community that in its pristine elegance used to be lined with trees and greenery and the American Dream of each and every one of its citizens. May 22, 2011, shows the tragic power of weather and how it can topple, tumble and torment with such a tumultuous intensity.
It’s all like a bad, bad dream. Like the nightmare that won’t let you go, won’t let you wake up until you’ve endured the impossible, the unspeakable and when it finally does, you wake in a cold sweat with your mind swirling about if what you have experienced is real or imagined.

My thoughts and prayers are with this entire community as they try to recover, rebuild and find a sense of normalcy amdist the chaos.  Let the memories be a guide to the future and know that we will never forget.

Love.
Peace.
Prayer.
Donate.
Pay it forward.
Help those that would help you in a tragedy.

Mother's Day Without a Very Special Mother...Again

Today is Mother's Day and there is a pull inside me like a cord that's being tug too tightly.  Wandering through my soul I felt the lonliness yesterday as I passed through the card aisle and I knew I had no need to buy one of those tactile reminders of how great of a mother she is.  I know in my heart that Di was a great mother every day and every minute and the proof of her teachings, accomplishments and love can be found in her children, everyday. Today of course is just another day but it weighs heavily on my mind this early morning like the dew sitting on a new spring flower almost ready to tip it over from the weight. 

I think I will spend some time today both in reflection and also with Mother Earth and turn some soil to ready the earth for my garden. 

A very special Mother's Day....Di, her Mom and Sister

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers that make such a difference in our lives.

Peace.

Happy Birthday Chloe Girl...

Today is Chloe's birthday and I'm sure that on this day she will be celebrating and also thinking back to the last birthday she spent with her mom.  Hold those memories dear and close to your heart, honey. I know Chloe that your mom is always with you and this is something you can cherish forever...her never-ending spirit that lives within you.

Happy Birthday Chloe Girl!

Know that if you ever need anything; I'm there for YOU...

Peace forever,

Cat

Pluralism - A Journey

Wouldn't this just be a wonderful tribute to the loved ones we have lost? ...

“Floating Lanterns” by Dwight K Morita.  2010. 

Pluralism Project Photography Contest Grand Prize Winner

 Pluralism

I found this wonderful site while I was doing some research for a paper I have been writing and I was in awe at the magnificent photography on this site.  In 1991, Harvard University began a study of the impact of the changing religious landscape from a global diversity perspective.    

I had never really thought about what the term pluralism really meant until I spent some time researching and reading about the importance of it in everyone's daily lives. 

There are 4 main areas that define pluralism:

the energetic engagement with diversity

the active seeking of understanding across lines of difference

the encounter of commitments

and all communications must be based on dialogue

Looking at the importance of this project, the outcomes and the impression that it can leave on a community is amazing.  People coming together, connecting, appreciating, living and loving not based on what religion they practice, what color their skin is or what income bracket they classify their home and belongings is some of the most important aspects of defining, reaching out and grasping the overall gravity of this movement.  I say "movement" because this is paramount to overcoming the walls and grudges that we as both a nation and as individuals sometimes put up when there is something that is foreign or misunderstood.  We are all guilty of this at one time or another in our lives and this project truly emulates the importance of tolerance and fruitful existence. 

What important words to live by....

The "Floating Lanterns" depicted in the above photo is described on the Pluralism website as:

These floating lanterns memorialize those that have passed away at Ala Moana Park in Honolulu, Hawaii.  As the sun sets in the background, small boats with Buddhist monks and church volunteers help to launch and shepherd the small armada of lantern ships, each inscribed with sentiments from family and friends.  This traditional Buddhist practice began as a small ritual, but has since grown to become a major event attracting thousands of people of all faiths from around the world. 

What a wonderful tribute to our loved ones...

On the cusp of today and the tiptoes of tomorrow.

Just my thoughts.

Good Vibes.

Happiness.

Peace.

Cath

Spring Is Here....Finally

Earth Day 2011: A Billion Acts of Green® | Earth Day Network

Earth Day 2011: A Billion Acts of Green® Earth Day Network

Pledge Music - Record Store Day Celebration

Di loved music so much and brought it into so many aspects of her life.
This painting is one that she did many years ago and it is so timeless.  I remember watching her paint with such clarity. 

Record Store Day April 16, 2011 - Celebrate the impact that every teeny, tiny record store has had on great music over the years.  As our sights steer further away from the concrete vinyl that we all knew as kids and moves further towards downloadable tracks, online purchases and the familiarity of Mp3's let's not forget the basis of it all.

This link is fabulous; Pledge Music is a site that allows us to give of ourselves to help artists produce more music and at the same time benefit charities.  It's a win-win for everyone!

Be Gentle With Your Soul Today

I heard this and was taken aback...wondering how I could be gentle with my soul, how I could cause others to be gentle also.  The payoff is the quiet times that you can find in a little spot of sun or against a wall leaning and breathing and feeling the wind as it brushes over and around your face in a little kiss from the wind. 

We are all so busy, my famous line is "I don't have time for this" or Now? as I ask when I feel that I'm being pulled in yet another direction when in fact it's just casual conversation saying we should do this or that or whatever, but not right now.  My mind jumps and then methodically my mouth releases that resounding response that is normally misconstrued as me thinking it needs to be done at that very moment. As my mind categorically tries to find logic and mix around the many pieces of the projects and jobs that I'm performing or due to be performing so that I can fit this one thing into my schedule I find myself saying yes to too many things.  I guess I have never really "not" known what it is like to not be busy and running and dashing and darting from one thing to the next big thing in order to try and get ahead when all I do is tend to run in circles because I've never attained the goals that I have set out for myself....yet...

Life is so damn difficult and if someone would have told me a very long time ago to manage things differently, I probably would have laughed at them and said "whatever, okay, okay." But as I look back today, I feel that IF I would have managed things differently, I probably would not need to find the time, take the time and have to make the time in between the hustles of everyday to be gentle with my own soul. 

Peace.

Kindness.

Love.

Taking A Step...in the right direction

Since Di passed away, I have not taken as many photographs as I probably should be taking. 
I never took ENOUGH photos of Di, I only have a few and Jerome supplied me with an entire cd of photos to which I am eternally grateful forever for....



 "Presence"    08-14-2010

 I decided to take the plunge and enter a photo into a creative contest that I took after I shot a wedding last year when the clouds moved in and the sun was shooting over and through the clouds. I used a filter to refract the light and attempted to bounce the brightness by shooting directly into the sun and took quite a few photos (the beauty of digital) until I found the one that I really liked that had just the right amount of glare and colors that had refracted off my lens.  The clouds looked ominious and the sky looked like it was getting ready to open up and shout at me for taking so many photos but I just loved the result that I got.  I did a little dodging and burning in photoshop but the end result was one that I think I can live with. 
I call this "Presence" because every time I look into the sky I have that feeling of 'hope' that Di is watching over me.   Di will forever be present in my memory.

Peace.
Presence.
Clarity.
Love.
Cath

Faith

Godspeed Timothy Brich...

Di has so much to tell you

I am sure.

Rest and let her talk for awhile.

It's been a long and arduous journey for you.

Peace.

Kind thoughts.

Willing shoulders to cry on.

Filling Our Cups, Filling My Cup

I fill up my cup and keep moving along everyday but my cup seems to run dry during the most needed parts of my day.  I could really use a good refill to redefine my sense of self with a big strong cup of coffee and a giggle from Di......
Struggling to get through the days, muster up enough strength to make it to the tick of the clock that ends the work day and begins the drive home is always difficult.  Driving home sometimes feels like an eternity and I wish I could just fling open the car windows, reach my arm out high in the sky and pull the shutters on winter and usher in spring earlier than what it’s arrival is supposed to be and go grab a quick hug from Di.

My husband is an understanding man. He lives with me and even lives with the mess that is me and he never really ever complains other than to say that I need to pick up all my shoes in the entryway.  He lives with my crazy ideas, my disorganized office and desk and sometimes (more often than not), the jumbled weaves and twists and turns that my mind takes and gives and gives and takes on a continual basis.  It's not unusual for me to have multiple projects going at once; either in my head conjuring up another idea or spread out all over my desk.  Sometimes I DO think that I'm moving too fast, that I might be missing some pieces of the puzzle because they fell between the cracks in the garage floor and I can't reach them or I forgot to write something down and I won't be able to complete my tasks.  I sometimes have so many things rushing through my brain that I just can't stop and think; think about what it was like when I didn't have so many irons in the fire and feel the calmness that should be resonating in my little soul.  Then the phone rings or the alarm in my brain goes off and I have an assignment to complete or a test to take or some photos to edit or bills to pay or dinner to make or laundry to do that's been waiting patiently, perched on a pile for weeks or an email to send or a craft project to finish or to start, or a call to make or some other tasks that I have to do.  I sometimes wish it would all stop and I could think quietly without the rush in my brain and my body to 'have to get something done'.  I truly want to reside in quiet contemplation and take a deep breath in the moment but my mind never stops turning. 
When I do find myself in a unique quiet moment, sometimes I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyeballs as my body takes deeper breaths.  I can hear the intake and outake of those breaths during that "breathing time" and that is when I miss the hell out of Di and wish that I could take the time to talk and chat and hug her once again.  Keeping myself so busy that I don't have much time for that "breathing time" seems to be paramount in how I am living my life still....  so many times I don't feel like I'll ever get past these flickering pieces of pain; I think they will always be with me.

This week I've been thinking a lot about Di and it's not that I don't ever stop thinking about her, but this past week has been particularly painful and I'm missing her so much more.   I'm taking a particularly difficult class this semester that is forcing me to memorize ancient and theoretical concepts from the early ages with faith and to religion and this is an area that I have very little knowledge in.  When I had problems with a course or a concept, Di was there to help me work through it, no matter when or what time it was.  It breaks my heart to know that my 'go to girl' is not there to help me decipher it all.  If anyone knew religion and knew God and knew the history of it all, it was Di.  I have tried to 'channel' Di's energy and knowledge but it's just not working yet.....

In some of the classes that we took together previously, Di would help me memorize things the "Di way" and I would remember them and have the confidence that I understood the concepts because Di just had a way of explaining things.  When we worked so hard together to pass Abnormal Psych, it was Di that made up acronyms for the conditions and the DSM organization and it was easier to remember and make the connections between the blurred lines.

I only wish I could enjoy a cup of java and combine it with some of that Di magic to help me get through this semester...

Fix You "fix me, fix us, fix we"

This Coldplay video is wonderful.
The lyrics are even better....

Peace.

Writing Soothes The Soul - Tells The Story...and assists in the healing process

I have always found writing cathartic; it soothes my soul and allows me to take those breaths along the lines of commas and periods and pauses and subject-verb agreements. Writing is something that is innate in my being; I've been doing it for years and someday my hopes and dreams when I finally do grow up and decide what I should be doing with my life is to finish the books that I've had on the burners for years.


Writing about Di has really added another dimension to my writing and telling the stories and reliving the memories that I shared with her and her family helps me to continue my healing process of the great loss that we all experienced when the ugly cancer monster beckoned and took her away. I still miss her everyday and some days are still harder than others but I know that she would want everyone to continue on living their lives and continue to preserve her memory through each of our individual ways.

The most important thing that I believe about writing is that everyone has a story to tell and most people do not take the time to launch into their own expression of their being. It doesn't matter how you say it, what matters is that you DO say it, write it, tell it, live it and love it. So, I continue to write and my mind continues to steadily produce the outflow of my feelings, thoughts and wishes.

If I had my choice; I'd take photos in the day and write at night. Without bills I wouldn't need a job but that's just not the case so I find times in my day and night and take advantage of that time to write.

The clarity that I gain from a strong cup of coffee and a late night-into-early-morning jaunt of words floating through my brain to my fingertips and brushing the computer keyboard is at times amazing. My thoughts sometimes come faster than I can type; legibly....but I get the job done with the help of auto correct most days.

I tend to write at some of the strangest of times and it is just a rush that comes through my brain lighting up the thoughts and the words and most days it happens at least once. I do have dry spots and times when nothing flows except the water down the drain in my kitchen sink. Other times it's all I can do to grab the computer and type and type and type. Before computers, I wrote everything down; little post-it notes that have well wore out their sticky backs, college-lined paper containing poems written in high school that are slowly fading with age, shoe boxes full of little bits and scraps of thoughts, ideas and wishes that one day will be my life's compilations, unfinished and waiting for their turn in the sun to shine.

So, on with MY story, YOUR story and my memories and your memories....

Tell Your Story

Peace.
And a gentle nudge to write down those things that matter in your heart.
Experience the golden-ness of creating life through your words...

Valentine's Day 2011

Another Valentine's Day



Many of Di's emails had tag lines on them and she took great care in choosing them and changed them often.
This was the tag line on an email she sent me 2-12-09, two days before Valentine's Day...two years ago

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.

Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. 

He just promised it would be worth it.

I'm sending hearts of love from my soul today...

Rememberance and peace and

Sentiments of grace and soft flickering light

Cath

A Very Special Man

Happy Birthday, Jerome!

It's been a long haul, times and things and people and stuff all move around and change, but remember that you are loved very much and that will never change no matter what.  Di always wanted the best for you; even when she was hurting, sad and at her most vunerable.  She wished for you to be happy with her for a very long time but she told me that she knew that one day you would be out on your own and she said that she always wanted you to find happiness again.
Di will forever be in our hearts and forever on our minds because she left such an impact on our souls and she would be very happy for you and very proud of the wonderful things that you have accomplished since she left us. 

Peace.
Many blessings to you...always and forever,

Cat

Searching The Clouds

Clouds are amazing works of art.
The canvas of God.
People photograph them
People look at them for faces of people and things
People look to the clouds as the heavens

We imagine that the clouds hold the souls of our loved ones
and we pray to the heavens for support, guidance, hope, and sometimes just to look up and know that there has to be something up there just because there has to be.

I find myself looking up towards the clouds  and I wonder if Di is up there looking down...or at least I hope so...

Swedish Proverb

 

Challenges

The upcoming year will bring more challenges I am sure and I am looking at the year as an open book, one that will allow me to break open my limitiations, allow for my grace to stand front and center and give myself permission to be me through the freedom of expression and creativity. For years I locked away the creative side and pushed it away because I 'just never had time' but this year I feel that I need to delve into those projects that I wanted to do over the years and feel a sense of accomplishment in my soul. If I don't get them all done, that's okay too because letting a little humility in every once in a while is good for the soul too.

I found this blog by accident and the words that she wrote literally "spoke" to me and where I'm at right now; I'm sure that Di would agree....

"She was precisely where she needed to be, even in her brokenness, and she would know where to go from here".

  ~Maya Stein (Crossing The Border, 10.06.2010)

              (http://www.papayamaya.blogspot.com/)

I'm not sure that I have quite figured out where I need to go yet from here, but I have hope that I am at least on the right track to wonderfulness and fulfillment in my life and I have a guide from heaven to lead me on my journey...and she is quite the creative girl too!

Peace.
Goodness.
Joy.
Faith.
Future.

Diane's Guestbook - Legacy

Di's Guestbook is now offline but the text of the guestbook can be found here.
So many people so many wishes so many lives Di touched over the years...

December 11, 2010
Here's to the Christmas Choir in heaven Di. Please sing really loud so we can hear you all of the way down here.

Peace,
Trudie Ahlstrom,
Omaha, Nebraska

October 16, 2010
Di today marks the day that is your birthday. I miss you and miss knowing that I can't just call and wish you a happy birthday.

You are in my heart and my thoughts everyday.
Cath

June 06, 2010
Di,
Another milestone; a graduation that you had wished to be here for. Know that all of us that loved you and love her were there to celebrate and reflect on not only the future but also the past.
I could feel your presence in the heart of everyone.

June 02, 2010

Diane - I miss you every day, but have learned to embrace life like you wished for me. Thank you.

March 17, 2010

Four months gone. Seems like a hundred years. I miss you Diane.

February 15, 2010

Di I miss you. It's been a long 3 months. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you.

Cath

February 08, 2010

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.

February 06, 2010

Jerome - So sorry to hear about your loss. I enjoyed attending Folk House concerts during my ministerial internship year in Omaha in 2006-07. You and Diane were always such warm hosts. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Tracy Wells Miller,
Sewanee, Tennessee

February 03, 2010

Jerome-
I graduated from high school with your brother Dan and I just wanted to say I am extremely sad that Diane is gone. I wanted to tell you I am thinking of you and your family and I hope you are gaining strength from each others precious memories.
Vincent Riley,
Huntington Beach, California

January 06, 2010

Diane, I miss you more and more every day. I think all this snow just makes matters worse. When spring finally arrives and the first shoots of green start popping out of the ground I'll think of you and all your crazy plants and flowers in the yard. Things will get better down here, I know someday they will. But for now my heart is breaking. I still expect you to be on the phone when I pick it up and I hear your voice in my memories.
Omaha, Nebraska

December 19, 2009

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who you don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it."

We miss you Di each and every day.

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason but I still can't find the answers to the reasons why you had to leave so soon.

December 15, 2009

To Jerome & the Worthing Family,

Our deepest sympathies, our thoughts and prayers are with you at such a trying time.
I've just heard the news from my Mother last night and so sadden for the news of Diane's passing. My condolences to all the Worthings, her husband & children. Our first Christmas memory was in Omaha, 1975. We had just arrived in the US. The Worthings were very much a part of our lives and helped our family to adapt to this new home. Diane & I were in the same grade. Although we were that close then, but she have always been kind, thoughtful & a cool chick to know. Always looking out for her new friend/neighbor. Even with my broken English then.

In 2006, I went with Mom to visit Omaha & stayed with the Worthings for Thanksgiving. What a sweet & true this family is and wonderful like all these passing years. Seeing Diane & my dear old best friend Mary Pupkes was surreal to me, brought me back to my teenage years growing up there. I was so grafeful for to be part of this dynamic & loving family. We will always be grateful to have known you Diane, and your family. I know that you will always watch over Jerome, Em, Ben & Chloe. God bless to all.

With love,
Khanh Nguyen
Santa Ana, California

December 12, 2009

To Jerome and family and the Worthing family;
Jerome, My heart goes out to you and the kids as it was evident in the few short times I was around you...how much love and fun there was in your family. You are an amazing family and you will be in the hearts of many as your heart heals from the loss of your life partner. I was lucky enough to work with the Worthington family when I taught at Holy Name and my sympathy to them in the loss of their sibling and daughter...who was such an amazing woman and will be remembered as such.
God bless all of you..especially in the days ahead.

Kathy Janata,
Omaha, Nebraska

December 11, 2009

Dear Jerome,
We only met you and Diane once when the two of you came out to our house concert when we had Jeff Black- you were so helpful and nice, and I remember how warm and friendly she was when we were chatting. We really appreciated all of your advice. I periodically check your website and was shocked to see that she passed away. We now have 5 little ones at home and date night is rare...but we always talked about getting down there to take in one of your musical evenings. I just wanted to give you our most sincere condolences, and hopefully we will meet again in the future.

Joey & Shawn Macken
Joey Macken,
Elkhorn, Nebraska

December 11, 2009

Jerome, Em, Ben, and Chloe,
Even though I am relieved that Diane no longer has to suffer with the physical pain and anguish of cancer, and in my head I know she is in a better place, my heart still aches for your, for our, loss. Your wife and mom brought so much joy to the world. I miss her laughter. I miss her smile. I even miss hearing her call me Madge. I know heaven is much richer, yet my heart feels the emptiness of no longer being able to see her eyeball to eyeball. Especially now at the holiday season I am so aware of the hole she has left in your lives, in our lives. Know that I include each of you in my prayers, asking God to give you the grace and courage to heal your hearts and to carry her love with you.
Maggie McNeil

November 28, 2009

Jerome -
Andy & I were so sorry to hear about Diane. You and the kids are in our thoughts and prayers.
Andy &Bre Bachmann
Omaha, Nebraska

November 23, 2009

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that God will be with you to comfort and soothe your heart. Psalms 34:18 says that He is near to those broken at heart and saves those crushed in spirit. Always remember the promises found in His Holy Word. Please accept my sincere condolences

Shelley Ford

November 21, 2009

To The Brich & Worthing families,

Diane has touched the lives of so many people over the years and she will be missed deeply.I hope you find comfort in knowing that she will always be with us. She will be remembered for her generosity, kindness, compassion & thoughtfulness.I will keep all of you in my thoughts & prayers.

May God Bless you and give you strength.
Joan Smith Dolezal,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 20, 2009

On my way to mass on Sunday's I would say a little prayer that Jerome and Diane and the gang would be singing in the choir when I got there. My prayers were usually answered. Mass at Holy Name just isn't going to be the same. Sing loud from heaven Diane, we are going to need to hear you. Worthing and Brich families, may the memories of Diane's laughter comfort you.

Barbara Peklo and family,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 20, 2009

To the family and friends of Diane Brich,
I only met Diane twice when attending the Folkhouse Concert series in 2007 and 2008. The Brichs are so gracious to open up their home like that to people they do not even know. How does that saying go? A stranger is just a friend I have not met yet. This is the kind of people that the Brichs are.

It is hard to lose a loved one, especially difficult when they are young like Diane. Even though Diane will not be with you in the physical, she will be with you in Spirit and will always be in your hearts. Keeping her there will keep her memory alive.
My thoughts are with you as you begin this new journey your road of life has taken.
PEACE, LOVE, and LIGHT!

Kristie Horn,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 20, 2009

Jerome, & all the Brichs & Worthings,

What a true testament to a life well lived is contained in these pages. Your family, Holy Name, TEC & so many people recognized God through Di's smile & giving nature. I will keep the prayers coming. Hold on to one another & May the Lord's comfort & strength sustain you.

Bonnie (Vankat) Beacom,
Bellevue, Nebraska


November 20, 2009

Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May God comfort you with happy memories.
Angie Hardnett-Smith (Holy Name Alumni '86)
JaTaun McNair (Holy Name Alumni '85)
Aleyah Smith (Holy Name Alumni '08)
Omaha, Nebraska

November 20, 2009

Dear Jerome and family,
Please accept my deepest sympathies.
Leslie Jorgensen,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 20, 2009

Dear Diane,
Today we all say good bye as you rest peacefully. I remember our last visit so very well. I appreciated and admired your courage, Faith, and honesty. Holy Name is and always will be a very special place and you represented its heart and soul. What I loved the most about you is that you were so clear on the important things in life: Faith, Family and Friends. You always kept things so very "real". Your work is done for now. You fought the good fight. Rest and let us all wrap our arms around you and give back all of the love you have given all of us. Until we meet again....

John Betterman,
Evanston, Illinois



November 19, 2009

Jerome, Emily, Ben and Chloe,
I feel for you in your time of mourning. I know that though Diane is not physically with you, she will always live in your memories and heart. I remember her as a cousin who was bubbly and outgoing. You always knew when she was in town (at our grandparents).
I am really glad I had the chance to spend time with all of you a couple years back. You all made us feel very welcomed to be in Omaha. It felt great to see Diane as a wife and mother. She appeared to enjoy both those roles and you could tell how much she loved you all.
Please know that I will keep you all in my prayers. Miss you Diane and Love you all!

Your cousin... Rosemary
Rosemary Hoge,
Farmington, Connecticut

November 19, 2009

To the Worthing &; the Brich family,

God will see you through this journey of grief. You will find Him in the many good people at Holy Name and in the hearts of all who new and loved her. May we all keep singing her song.

Nancy Smith,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 19, 2009

Some 25-30 years ago, I met Diane at a Teens Encounter retreat. He smile, laugh and her kindness on that weekend was what I remember most. To Diane's entire family, you're in my prayers.

Greg Stiles,
Phoenix, Arizona

November 19, 2009

Please accept my deepest sympathy in the passing of your dear loved one. It is especially sad for one so young. I too lost a son at the age of 23. May you find comfort in your memories and the hope for the near future when death, tears, and sorrow will be things of the past and God's will is being done on earth as it is in heaven.

Mary Taylor,
Dallas, Texas

November 19, 2009

To Diane’s Family: I want you to know what a LOVING ...KIND... Person she was, when I lost my sister Pam Yohe (Vergata) she helped me through the Holy Name Church to memorialize my sister in a way ... that she would not be forgotten... She gave me STRENGTH during a very trying time in my life and for that I will forever be Greatful.... She was my Angel here on earth, and I will never forget her..... May God Bless you all

Roxie Vergata,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 19, 2009

Jerome, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Jerome “Butch” Stolinski

November 19, 2009

Jerome - as a former fellow co-worker I was fortunate to become familiar with your family. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Diane was an inspiration to everyone who knew her.

Torri Pantaleon,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 19, 2009

Jerome, my sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family.
Marijo Malesa
Ft. Worth, Texas

November 18, 2009

Jerome and family,
I am sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers during this very sad time.

John Murphy,
Council Bluffs, Iowa

November 18, 2009

Diane: an angel on this earth, one who smiled from her heart, embraced life and family with joy. She encouraged kindness with soul. And had passion. Such a legacy she so willingly shared. My prayers for your strength as you grieve her absence. Pat Gromak (mother of Natasha Hartley, grandmother of the Hartley girls).

Pat Gromak,
Omaha, Nebraska



November 18, 2009

Know that you are all in the hearts and prayers of your Synod School family.

Carol Ferrell,
Clive, Iowa

November 18, 2009

To the Dan Worthing and Brich families,
I am so sorry for your loss. Know that Diane is safe in God's arms and perhaps the stars in the sky are just openings into Heaven where the love of our lost ones shine down to let us know they are with still with us. May God's peace be with you all in this most difficut time.

Dawn Roy,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 18, 2009

Jerome and family, and Peg and Dan -
We are so sorry for your loss. Although we didn't know each other well, I will always remember Diane and your family being the first to welcome us into the neighborhood. She always had a smile and kind words when we saw her. You are in our prayers -- may you find peace and hope in Diane's memory and in the comfort of God, family and friends.

Jim and Tori Healey

November 18, 2009

Please accept my deepest sympathies.

Your Neighbor,
Kathy Williams,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 18, 2009

The world will never be the same without Dianne. Our thoughts and prayers are with Jerome and family during this sad time.

Paul Algya,
Bellevue, Nebraska


November 18, 2009

Jerome and Family,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darrell & Roberta Morse,
Breezy Hills Winery, Minden, Iowa


November 18, 2009

To my dear friends and neighbors Jerome, Emily Ben and Chloe...My heart and prayers are with you today and always. Throughout Diane's 47 years on this earth I have so many wonderful memories of time with her and time with you! Her love of life will stay with me forever. Always Colleen Peterson (and family Rick, Jamey, Vanessa, Marlo, Nathan, Molly and Maggie)


November 18, 2009

Jerome-
May you find peace and love in the comfort of family and friends during this difficult time. You and your family are in my prayers.

Erin Sullivan,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 18, 2009

One of Di's favorite emailed stories was entitled I wish you enough and the premise of it is to wish those you love "enough" to sustain them through the difficult times of their lives.

"I Wish You Enough”

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in your life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

It only takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but an entire lifetime to forget them.

November 18, 2009

Dear Jerome and Family,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. You now have your very own angel watching over all of you. God bless you.

Joe and Gaile Watson
Omaha, Nebraska


November 18, 2009

Jerome and Family,
My heart goes out to each and everyone of you. We were all the lucky ones to have be blessed by knowing Diane. I will keep your families in my thought and prayers. I will forever miss my 'ol roomy.

Michaelanne DeJoy-Pagan,
Lawrenceville, Georgia


November 18, 2009

My deepest condolences to the Brich family. Diane was a lover of music and a great friend to travelling musicians. The mutual love, positive energy, fun and good spirit within the Brich home was evident each and every time I had the honour of playing a concert there.

Jory Nash,
Toronto, Ontario

November 18, 2009

To the Brich family; Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. Diane was an amazing woman and constant support to so many people. We will always remember her strength, kindness and humor!
Carolyn & Tony (TJ) Davis,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 18, 2009

Dear Jerome, Emily, Ben,Chloe, and family. We are truly saddened for your loss. We wish the long difficult journey had taken a different path, but as you know she begins a new journey now. You are all in our hearts and prayers. Please accept Bob's big hugs for us as well.
Jason and Gena Benoit and family


November 18, 2009

My thoughts are with you at this time.
Noreen Trofholz

November 18, 2009

Jerome, What a deeply good woman we have lost. I'm so sorry. I'm sending prayers, many thoughts, love. God bless you on your journey. You will have many supporters. ~

Monica Hadley,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 18, 2009

After spending the last 25 years at Diane's side, I know that I am truly blessed beyond words. Her memory and the support of our amazing friends and family will help me, Emily, Ben, and Chloe get through the difficult times ahead.
Jerome

November 17, 2009

Dearest Brich and Worthing families,
Diane and Jerome, you touched my heart with your story, while attending the retreat in Ashland, NE. Diane's couragous spirit brought me hope. I will forever remember how deeply your love for each other filled the room and my memory. Jerome, I am blessed to have shared this time with you and your loving wife. My deepest, heartfelt sympathy goes out to you. Sincerely, Sara

Sara Maxwell Brown,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 17, 2009

Our hearts go out to Jerome and the rest of Diane's family. Diane was always a treat to be around and her spirit was unbreakable through all her trials. Our prayers are for her, her family and all the friends who will miss her so much. She was precious, as her memory will remain.

With all our love and sympathy,
John & Barb Rogers
and everyone from Acoustic Groove
John Rogers,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Part of our visits to Omaha was to stop at Holy Name and get a visit in with Di. What a wonderful person who showed great courage and Love. Our thought & Prayers are with all of you.
Dick & Karen Carlson,
Golden Valley, Minnesota


November 17, 2009

Dear Brich & Worthing Family,

Please know that all of you are in my and my family's prayers. That radiance that Di displayed on earth will be carried on by Emily,Ben & Chloe.
God Bless.

Trudie Ahlstrom,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 17, 2009

Brich and Worthing Families
Diane will be missed and always remembered for the strong, caring and amazing person that she was throughout her life. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ed Smith,
Nashville, Tennessee


November 17, 2009

Jerome,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.
Diane Reeves

November 17, 2009

Jerome, Emily, Ben, Chloe, & Worthing Family, Diane will be missed greatly. Her spirit and love and incredible personality has touched so many. She truly is an inspiration. May your memories comfort you. With Prayers,

The Stantons; Dennis, Deb, Kyle, Krystal & Kendal
Overland Park, Kansas


November 17, 2009

What a wonderful woman Diane was; a gracious and delightful hostess. She always greeted us with a smile, and made us feel welcome in her home. I'm glad we knew her.
Roger &Trudy Brandt


November 17, 2009

Di was a very special person and will be missed by everyone she touched. Our love and sympathy to Jerome and the family.

Herb & Kathy Dougall,
Cave Creek, Arizona


November 17, 2009

Jerome, Em, Ben, & Chloe...

Please know that I am thinking about all of you and that you are in my prayers. I wish you enough of everything you need to help you through this time. The road will be long but know that Di would expect all of you (and most definitely she would demand), that you enjoy everything in life that makes you happy. I feel truly blessed to have been "invited" by Di to be a part of your family so many years ago. I know that no matter what, there is a bond that can never be broken. Di loved and cared about everyone but I know that nothing was more important than the love she had for her family. That love will remain as strong as ever because she has left her legacy in all of you.

I will hold all my precious memories of Di within the landscape of my heart forever. She always took time out of her life for others, even when she was struggling; and in her final days she insisted on being the hostess to everyone who came and visited her. I will never forget that radiant redhead with that contagious laughter that made my heart smile the very first time I met her.

I love you Di.
I love you Jerome, Ben, Em & Chloe.
To both the Worthing and Brich families, please accept my sincere sympathies and know that Di was an amazing gem!

Cath 
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

May the love of friends and family carry you through your grief.
Theresa Shepard,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

I was sorry to hear about Diane's passing. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary Mc Hale,
Omaha, Nebraska

November 17, 2009

Dear Jerome, Your mom talked so lovingly about Diane just last Monday at our Deacon Wives prayer group. About what an amazing and loving gal she was. I am so sorry that they are not here at this time. I know that is what was so hard for them to leave.

We also will be out of town but know that our thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family. Diane's memory will live on in all the many lives she touched over the years. She was a member of the TEC team when our daughter made her TEC and she loved her.

God's blessings and His "Peace" to you and your family
Don & Pat Kemp,
Omaha

November 17, 2009

Diane was great. She exhibited more faith and courage than I think most could ever show. She is loved and will be missed greatly. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Curt & Julie Simon,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Jerome, Emily, Ben, Chloe & the Worthing family. Words can't express the sadness we all feel with the loss of Di yet we know she is already partying with the other saints in heaven. May God bless you all!

Jim & Nora Carlson,
Olathe, Kansas


November 17, 2009

Diane was an amazing woman. She always laughed, even when in pain. Cherish your memories of her.
Sharon Snyder,
Wilmington, Delaware


November 17, 2009

Diane always brought cheer and a positve outlook to any situation. She will be missed greatly and daily. Our most sincere thoughts and prayers go out to you and the kids Jerome, and to Di's family as well. May God bless you all!

The Casey Family, Pat, Zach, Nicole, and Aaron
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

My Worthing family,

My thoughts & prayers are with you all. Diane was such a wonderful person. I will miss her but will never forget how great she was.

All of my love,
Kathleen (Deaver) Walter
Bellevue, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Jerome - our thoughts and love are with all of you. Diane taught us so much about living by how she showed up in life. With Love,
Laura & Rich Roccaforte
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

To Jerome and family - I am so sorry to hear of Diane's passing. She was a wonderful, welcoming, warm, loving, creative person and she will be missed. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Nancy Amsler


November 17, 2009

Jeannine & Family

We are so sorry for your loss.May your good memories help you all through this difficult time.Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
The Maloney Family,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Diane had such a beautiful voice. I know she will continue singing next to you in church. Her belief in God and the love and support of her family and friends helped make her the strong person she was inside. She was and always will be an amazing woman and her courage will be an inspiration to all. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all....

Teresa.. John.. Jessica & Todd Bantner
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Jerome, it was so good to visit with Diane at the hospital when we ran into each other as I was there with a friend who was having surgery and she was having a check up. She was amazing in her faith, so fun to be around and such a multi-faceted person of interests. She fought hard, loved much and will be missed by many!

Charlene Cobbs,
Bellevue, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Jerome, embrace your memories of Diane. They will live with you forever, as will she.
My prayers go out to you and your family.

Steve Waples,
Deerfield, Illinois


November 17, 2009

I didn't know Diane very well but she was an upbeat, lovely lady. Jerome, I hope you and the children enjoy many happy memories among the sad.

Peace, Carol Sanderhoff (Benson Presbyterian and Synod School)


November 17, 2009

We were so sorry to hear about Diane. She was a wonderful woman. Our deepest sympathy to your enitre family.

Kate & Maggie Sweany
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Diane was an inspiration to me and a wonderful model of what it means to be a good mother, a strong woman and most of all a constant giver. My throughts and prayers are with her family at this very difficult time.

Sr. Marilyn Ross,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

We've all lost an amazing woman. Jerome, Em, Ben and Chloe, our prayers are with you. Love to you all.

Ken & Kathie Hahn,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 17, 2009

Diane was a wonderful, courageous caring person. She inspired people with her life. Jerome, may God bless and strengthen you and your entire family at this time

Mary Jo Lesch.



November 16, 2009

Jerome and family; Di was one of three of the strongest women I've known we are so sorry for your loss.

Dave...Katie....Carolyn and T. JO
Dave Kozol,
Omaha, Nebraska



November 16, 2009

Jerome and Family,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Diane will live on as an inspiration to those of us who fight this insidious disease.

Michelle Shkolnick,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 16, 2009

Diane was a kind and supportive person even as she faced her own pain. She loved her family deeply, treasuring every moment she spent with you. Prayers of comfort and sympathy for you all.

Melanie


November 16, 2009

To all the Brich and Worthings,

Diane was one of the very special persons in my life. Throughout 30 years of friendship, she was always a person I could count on. I will miss her very much and she'll always hold a place in my heart. My prayers are with all of you during this time.

Love to you all,
Jerry Simon


November 16, 2009

Saw you a week ago at Tom and Jane's Anniversary party. Wanted to hug you but you had a broken shoulder. You looked tired....upset....tired... I want to remember you and your big grin, your beaming personality and the love you had for EVERYONE. You will be missed.

Ginni Engel,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 16, 2009

"Faith is believing that one of two things will happen," she said. "That there will be something solid for you to stand on or that you will be taught to fly".
God granted you your angel wings when he said it was okay to let go. You have permission to dance and sing. You know we all loved you very much.


November 16, 2009

God Bless Diane. She was truly an amazing soul and will be greatly missed. Thoughts and prayers to Jerome, Emily, Ben and Chloe.

Peggy Dineen,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 16, 2009

Her memory will forever be in our hearts. She was a very wonderful and special person. Love and prayers to Jerome, Emily, Ben and Chloe. you will forever our link to her. Bonnie & Steve

Bonnie Vaughan,
Omaha, Nebraska


November 16, 2009

Jerome, Ben, Emily, and Chloe. I dont know how to express in here, what is really in my heart. But I do know that my heart reaches out to you. Di had a big heart and I believe she has left it in each of you.

Fr. Ed Vella, CSsR,
Grand Rapids, Michigan


November 16, 2009

May God Bless You and your family. Diane was a GREAT person and will never be forgotten.
Valerie & Rob Headlee,
Omaha, Nebraska



November 16, 2009

My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.


November 16, 2009

Jerome, Ben, Emily, and Chloe... Know how much our thoughts, prayers, love, and support are with you all during this time. From Steve Plank, and all your Presbyterian friends at Central Church and Synod School


November 16, 2009

Jerome-
We are so sorry to hear about Diane. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.

John & Dee Alexander,
Beaver Lake, Nebraska


November 16, 2009

Holy Name has another saint for its calendar. I know that when I am feeling down, I will remember Diane's fighting spirit. She continues to inspire us all.

Kevin Cole,
Omaha, Nebraska

Parting Shots 2010

Resting my mind in my cup of coffee between the interlaces of the morning newspaper and the television remote I can see filters of the sun peeking in through the heavy curtains meant to hold out the cold winter air. Contemplating again on the time that has passed, the year that has passed and the loss that still hides in my soul. Breakfast is done and I feel accomplishment in another meal … another stride in the right direction.

Another year come and gone so quickly.
Another tick on the clock.
Another day come and gone.
Another whisper in the light ...
I miss you, Di...

I miss Di because she was that friend that 'felt like home'

Peace.
Goodwill.

Happy Birthday Em

Today is the birthday of a very special woman, Emily.  I have called her Em since I can remember.
I remember the joy that Di had when Em was ready to graduate and the happiness she felt when she went to live in California and pursue her dreams and the little voice inside her head that was a bit mad when she came back home to stay; for her mom.  Worries, travels, tears and memories dot the landscape of the past few years and I know that Em has always put her strong personality forward and trudged through it all. 

Remember to be patient, everything in life always takes much longer than we expect it to and remember that you really are your mother's child and no one can ever take that away from you; she resonates and still lives in the spaces of your heart each and every day.
I wish you a Happy Birthday and I'm sure that your mom is sending you hugs from heaven, Em.

Love and PEACE.
Yours truly,
Cat

Illuminations and Ponderings

Staring into the lights twinkling on the Christmas tree this year I am reminded of the insurmountable loss over the past two years. This is two Christmases without Di and they just keep adding up. Untangling my heart from the knots that resonate in my soul is even more difficult at this time of year because it brings up memories of those that we lost and makes me make the realization that the losses and the sorrows are always and forever with me. To be okay again is a mighty feat. To lie and say “I’m fine” just masks the underlying sadness and sorrow. Is it okay to be lying and masquerading behind the lies? For many it is not, for me at the time, “its fine”. I still do feel like sometimes I just can’t breathe through the thickness of all of it, all of the feelings of emptiness but somehow I shoulder through it all. Some people cannot understand how some people just can’t move on. I am moving on but the heaviness and the sadness remain still. Celebrations and happiness cover over the mystique of sadness and block it out throughout the times of needed functionality in my life.

What is really true is that I have been trying to put on a brave suit of armor every day. Facing my fears of isolation, loneliness and sadness is something that I do every day, but I do it in the quiet spaces of my mind and my soul. I am strong but underneath it all I lapse more than momentarily when I find myself reverting and regurgitating the loss of Di. Soon the flowers in my garden will show their strength and start shooting upwards searching for the warmth of the sun….if only I could be a flower.

I have been trying really hard to open my heart to new friends and new acquaintances but the smiles I portray at times or at best are only a little bit of who I and how much I am willing to sacrifice at the time. I am truly afraid to open my heart I think. I almost feel like I just don’t have the time to waste and I know that’s a harsh thought, but it’s hard to fathom taking the time out of my life to make new friends and then spending the time needed to nurture those relationships over the years…..relationships take time. I have moved into the anger stage recently and I do not like this stage much because I find myself mad that Di left…wasn’t this stage supposed to happen so very long ago? I know that we all move through and throughout the stages of death and dying differently but this is really throwing me off track lately. But, I just keep moving on, going through the motions of the days on my calendar hoping that someday soon I will be okay again and return to the person that I am meant to be and find more people to surround my life with happiness and contentment and peace.

Peace to all.

Christmas Day and Cherished Memories

Christmas Eve On The Cusp Of Christmas

Lately I've been thinking about all of the past Christmas memories that I can recall with the presence of Di.
Like the year that Ken and I spent Christmas Day morning with Di and her family and friends; yummy food, wonderful company and happiness and laughs and loudness in their household.  The tree was decorated with a myraid of the years of rememberances from the kids' projects to special ornaments that conjured up those special kind of memories that you can never forget.  Di always celebrated the holidays with family and friends and she loved the flowing in and out of people from her humble abode.  One year Jerome spent too much money on a beautiful ring for Di and I remember her telling me that she loved it but she was mad that he spent the money; trivial things.  Important things.  Very important Christmases past. 

Savoring the peace and joy of the Christmas season is something that I find as I get older is more important than the presents and gifts.  A simple gesture, hug or smile is more important.  I love you is even more important than a card or a gift.  Simplicity in this day and age we are living in is so very important and even more today than it was yesterday.  I have come to appreciate little things, cherish the important things and have become accustomed to knowing that who I am is who I am.  Nothing can change that.

I am reminded today how much I miss Di and her call to us to wish us Merry Christmas and the times that we went to Christmas Eve mass at Holy Name with Dorene and the gang and saw Di and her family and listened to their sweet singing voices.  I miss those Christmas hugs and those warm and fuzzy feelings that Di gave to me in little pieces over the years.  She is very missed by all that loved her and the holidays will never be the same ever again. Two Christmases without her computes to ticks on the clock and days checked off the calendar that keep adding up to mumble jumble of how fast time passes by us.

The small amount of snow that we recieved overnight looks like little sparkling diamonds at the break of day on this Christmas eve morning as I dabble in the prosperity of the season...

Peace and Goodwill To All...

Never Again In This Life

Not In This Life

Lately I've been walking all alone
Through the wind and through the rain
Been walking through the streets and finding sweet relief
In knowing that it won't be long
Lately it's occurred to me
That I've had enough of that
And lately I've been satisfied by simple things
Like breathing in and breathing out
Never again, not in this life
Will I be taken twice
Never again, no never on your life
Will I make that same mistake
I can't make it twice
Lately it's occurred to me
And exactly what went wrong
I realized, I compromised
I sacrificed far too much for far too long
Never again, no not in this life
Will I be taken twice, no no no no
Never again, no never on your life
Will I make that same mistake
I can't make it twice
Starting out from here today
Swear I'm gonna change my ways
Once mistaken in this life
And never never never, never twice
Never again, no not in this life
Will I be taken twice, no no no no
Never again, no never on your life
Will I make that same mistake that I'm gonna make it twice, no no no no
Never again, no never on your life
Will I make that same mistake
I can't make it twice
Starting out from here today
Swear I'm gonna change my ways
Starting out from here today
Swear I'm gonna change my ways
Gonna change my ways
Never again, no never again, no never in this life
I gonna make that same mistake, I'm gonna make it twice
Never again, no never again, no never on your life
I gonna make that same mistake, I'm gonna make it twice

You might be asking yourself why Natalie Merchant, why this particular song, why today?
We've all seen hurt and felt desperation and have found ourselves in quandries at least a few times in our lives.  Recently I have been given the opportunity to possibly "reconnect" with someone from my past; someone that thought I was the center of her world at least for a time (or at least I hope that was the case).  I have not heard from this person in 27 years and it's odd that right before the holidays through the hustle and bustle of daily living that she searches me out and calls and leaves me a message.  Of course there is a complete backstory to this and maybe someday when I complete my novel you'll have the opportunity to read about a child who became motherless just at the time in her life when she really needed that particular figure to help her steer the course of life. 

Making recalibrations on the course that I have set forth upon as a motherless child is a difficult task to decide upon. How should I go about in testing the waters and dipping my foot into that pond that has been gnarled with contempt, anger, desperation, defiance and betrayal? I have learned to have an openness to doubt, to shame, to loneliness and to the magnitude of loss but I do not know if I have the will inside of me to allow the openness to that of betrayal to permeate my being again. This is something that I have to take in slowly, let it churn in the belly of both the beast and myself and then mull it over until it can be deciphered no more and only then make my decision. How do you call your daughter after 27 years right before the holidays and leave a message like you’re calling to confirm a dinner reservation?


When I received that call in November I honestly thought that it was Di tapping him on the shoulder and telling him that he needs to make the call since it was the first time in so many years that I would not hear her voice on my birthday; but now….what is this? Did Di put the wheels into motion, move the cart carrying the years of lost times and catapult HER to this spectrum in time to make her face her demons, her betrayal, her lies and her deceit? I honestly have always believed that everything happens for a reason and at this time, I’m trying to contemplate what on this earth would the reason be.

I understand fully that things are not coincidence, things happen for a reason.

There was a reason that she picked up that phone that afternoon and she called my number; there was a reason that she left a message and left a call back number.

The last day that Di and I spent together, we did talk about “righting” the wrongs and making amends and she was specifically telling me to be open to the challenges that will be thrust upon me in the future and make those connections because they are important. We had talked so many times over the years about my motherless predicament and Di would always tell me that there was a reason that she left, a reason why she did what she did when she did it and the only way that things could be different would be when she would make that first step. Di was right; she was always right and she told me to never approach this situation with anger, instead use the tools that God gave me –compassion and honesty.

After that first message, I wanted so badly to call Di, to tell her that I had a phone message and then I realized that I couldn’t. That hurt more than anything. Then, when the second message came I knew that I couldn’t call Di and I was angry. Angry at the world, angry at cancer, angry at HER for calling me again and angry that I was even in this predicament in the first place.

Placing blame is easy, dealing with blame is harder.

I talk frequently about connections in my writing and I tend sometimes to run amuck; but frankly, connections are what bind us a people to others. I have had the opportunity to make those such connections in my life with those that I have chosen to gather around me as friends and the man that I chose to spend my life with. Unfortunately, over the years I have closed that door on the past and my connections do not include the one that took for granted the relationship bond that we had created at one time and then abandoned their responsibility and their daughter all in one big swoosh.

Can I make the same mistake and open up my heart and my life just as I did so many years ago when the two of us just started to 'connect' as adults and then she walked away will it be as Natalie Merchant says, Not In This Life….

Can I make this choice?
Am I strong enough to make this choice?
Will she allow me to make this choice?
Can I remain a motherless child?


In life you are not always right; in many and most situation you are called to partake in you are only a passenger and throughout the many stops on the way you will run into many circumstances that will challenge your will, break you down and prove that you must have been mislead, but in the end we all hope to master the navigation of our lives in one way or another...

Peace
Love
Contentment of a heavy heart and busy mind...

Strength Reserves

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.”

                                                                                                      ~ Rachel Carson ~

Elizabeth Edwards and Connections

This morning Di met another angel who arrived in heaven.
A strong woman with convictions, a fighter, a mom, a woman stricken by the ugly green cancer monster.

The world grieves, survivors of breast cancer and those of us lucky enough to be cancer free at this time in our lives all share in the sorrow that caused our world to take another deep long sigh again at the thought of another loss today. 

In an article that ran in The Catholic Voice in 2007, Di talked about cancer and treatments and Elizabeth Edwards and "managing the cancer".  I remember talking to Di about the article after it was published and we also talked about Elizabeth Edwards.  Di told me that she felt a connection to Elizabeth because of all of the struggles that she had been through in her life she admired her strength.  I told Di that she was as strong as ever too and she just gave me a giggle and said, "I guess I am but my family is really the strength that keeps me going."  I know that she knew she was a strong woman because she knew in her heart that she was fighting the biggest fight of her life with cancer. 

An excerpt from the article is below:
 http://catholicvoiceomaha.com/main.asp?SectionID=9&SubSectionID=145&ArticleID=2730

Diane's story

After her diagnosis, Diane's first course of treatment was surgery, including a lumpectomy and a mastectomy.
They found cancer in two lymph nodes, so 19 lymph nodes were removed from Diane's right side. After surgery she had nine treatments of chemotherapy and 36 rounds of radiation.
"You go back every three to four months for check-ups and you hope you stay clear - and for four years, I did," Diane said. "But then I had what I thought was something wrong with my lung."
The chest pains turned out to be a problem with her lung that worked itself out, but after a final CAT scan, the doctor noticed something else.
"He came into the room and his eyes were red and a little puffy. I will never forget that," Diane said. "He said, 'I don't know what else to say, you need to call your oncologist.' The lungs were clear, the heart was clear, but he saw spots on my spine."
The spots ended up being cancer, which had metastasized to the bone, and another chemotherapy regiment began.
....."Elizabeth Edwards (wife of presidential candidate John Edwards) and I are managing our cancer," Diane said with a laugh. "My thing is that they get beyond this being chronic and we can only manage it. I want to live long enough not to have to manage it.
"I just want to live. I want to be at all my kids' things. I want to be at their weddings. I want to be a grandmother. I want to travel; those are the things I want, God willing," she added. "God has a plan for me, but I am not ready to look at that plan quite yet."

Another woman...

Another life lost...

Another heart ceases... 

Another day and cancer wins again.

Godspeed Elizabeth...