Happy Birthday To My Girl

Happy Birthday to my girl, Di!
I have so many wishes and so many feelings and so many thoughts about not having her here to wish her happy birthday.  Miss her so very much.


Forever in my heart and in my daily thoughts,
Peace and Love
Hugs and Tears,
Cath

9/11/12

Won't You Participate and Create Your Own I WILL?

My I WILL is.....

I WILL save a place in my heart for you and yours and ours and mine ..... in memory of Di

Peace and Love and Hugs and Memories....
Cath

I Still Remember...

I still remember the day the world took you back and; there was never time to thank you for the thousand scattered moments you left behind and I wish I would have hugged you more.

I think I'm finding some of those scattered moments and I've been compiling them altogether...

Peace and Love,
Cath

8-27-2012 Two Years Passed

Remembering 2 years ago where I was, where I was standing and the tears that I was wearing and the words that I still carry with me today.....

As I drank my first cup of coffee today, I thought of Di, just like I do every day. She is in my thoughts, in my actions and in my heart always. Di found a place in each and every one of our hearts and she will remain there as long as we never forget to laugh and enjoy the memories of the past while we move forward and live our lives just as she would have wanted us all to do. All the love that Di created is still here with us all and it is comforting for me to know that she made such an indelible impact on so many people in the short time that she shared her love and her life with all of us.

Today is Di’s day August 27, 2010...     

We take time out of our busy schedules, our confusing lives and all of the demands that we have to acknowledge that for all of those years after Di’s diagnosis she made time everyday and in every way for each and every one of us.

Of course Di probably would have said something like this is not the party that she had planned but I’m sure that she’s been dancing her toes off in heaven and there has been many times that God has told her that she has to let Him talk sometimes too. Today marks the day that there is finally another place in our world for Di; a place for us to all remember, recollect and share our thoughts our dreams and our memories privately and personally.



A quote from one of Di’s favorite places, StoryPeople that I found that exemplifies my feelings is:

I carry you with me into the world,
into the smell of rain
and the words that dance between people
and for me, it will always be this way,
walking in the light,
remembering being alive together.

The importance of people in our lives over the years and the impact that they have caused the day that they crashed into our lives and changed them forever is something that we should never forget.


I will never forget Di.


Peace,
Love,
Tears,
Hugs,
Cath

8-27-2010 Full Circle

Today marks the day that we all take the journey, fulfill the need and mark yet another date on our calendars in memory of Di.
We have a place for Di, a place to reflect, to go to, to talk about our loss, our hopes, our dreams, our missed opportunities and examine our faith in the world at this chosen space that now occupies the memory of Di.

I can't say that it hasn't been a long road; it has.
I can't say that it hasn't been a difficult road; it has.

I can say that I still cry and I still miss her hugs and will forever until the end of my time here on this earth.

Be at peace, Di.
Know that we all still ache and still hurt and still cry and still miss the hell out of you and will always.

Absence

Each moment, second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year remind me of the time that has passed.
One song that holds so many meanings for so many people is Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd....

Peace,
Love,
Hugs,
Cath

Mondays and Memories

Time passes so quickly but the memories remain...

Peace...

Love...

Kind Words...

Treasured Hugs...

Cath

Monday Morning Blues

This is something that Di completely believed in.....living life the way that it presents itself and not hiding behind or under a rock....put yourself out there and GO.....just one of the traits that I admired about Di and one of the many things I will never forget about her....even when I'm feeling blue and sad and missing her I think about the power and strength that Di had everyday; before and after the ugly green monster diagnosis.


Peace,
Love,
Laughter,
Loss

Cath

Evolving Loss

As my loss of Di evolves I look forward to the future and the impact that I can make on the world through my little world. Throughout the years Di and I had silly conversations, serious conversations and conversations when we talked about life and death and reasons and decisions and the manifestations of the ugly cancer monster. I was always the one to start crying first and then Di would give me a big hug and rub my back and tell me that it would be okay.


As a person that has lost a good friend that meant so very much, I often find myself thinking of those last days of Di’s life and the decisions that had to be made that were so very difficult. I know that Di’s ultimate ideal conclusion would have been to be cancer free and go on living her life because she did not want to simply give up. I think that giving up meant making those hard decisions about what type of care to accept and when to accept that the ugly green cancer monster was winning the race.

As I further my career I feel the tug of Di in my life evermore. The subject of Thanatology has been a constant in my mind ever since Di was diagnosed with cancer; but never at the forefront of my education wants because other things always took precedence. Now as I am moving closer to a degree, I am becoming to realize that being authentic and real and make my focus to do the job that I was meant to do, do it right and correct and with much heart.

I remember the day that I was summoned to Di’s house to join in the discussion of what the next path to take would be:

“The room was filled with love and helpfulness and caring but I could not contain my tears and resorted to the kitchen many times where Jerome always seemed to meet me, give me a hug and tell me that Di wanted me there to hear all of this information, to be a support and be involved. I kept feeling the tears welling behind my eye sockets and filling up in my sinus cavity and my cheeks felt so heavy like punching bags right before the tears exploded from my eyes. Di looked so tired. She was angry. She was confused. I know it was the medications talking for the most part but there was still a glimmer of Di left and I could feel it and I knew she was fighting to overcome the effect of the meds. She was adamant and wanted to bring in a hospital bed and set the living room up. She wanted to stay “home”. The talking and discussion turned to what was “best”. I could tell that hearing what was “best” was frustrating for Di. I watched her eyes and she did that little eye roll and turned her head to the side and cocked it left-ward-ly and more than a few times I saw her lock eyes with me and I could feel the pitched essence of her anger (and anger was not something that Di EVER willingly let take over her). Di was angry and combined with the medications “talking” caused Di to lash out at the ugly green cancer monster; mad that cancer caused her bones to be so very brittle, causing her to falter not once but twice and end up with two broken arms all in one birthday weekend and now she was at this point; the point that she worked so hard to fend off for so many years. It was Di that wanted to make the decisions on her own timeline. It was all so difficult “that” day….everyone telling her that it was for the best….she could go and ‘check out and visit’ a hospice facility and the arrangements could be made….all that I remember is her saying no and having to be coaxed into agreeing to only JUST a visit. She said that if she had to go there she wanted a big TV and cable so she could watch her shows and all of the other comforts she enjoyed at home over the years. She did not want to die and she was fighting the entire idea of preparation. I think that day hurt me just as much as the last day that I kissed her forehead twice; once for me and once for him and told her it was okay and that I would miss her so very much; the tears pouring down my face. That day, along with other days remain etched in my memory forever."

In so many ways I wish that plans had been in place before that day, especially for Di. It may have made things “easier” if you can even make death “easier”.

I know that Di did not want to make those decisions early on or even years later after the reoccurrence because that ultimately meant that she was going to die from the ugly green cancer monster after all. But, would it have been easier to have that plan in place, the resources ready and the decisions already made? Would it have been harder to admit that it was “the time”? Would it have been more frustrating for Di at that juncture? Would it have been less heartfelt and more distinctive?

I cannot answer those questions but I truly feel that the time spent putting those plans in place at the exact time that they needed to happen took away the precious time that we all could have spent loving and hugging and talking and laughing with Di.

People need directions, plans, assistance, caring, love and cooperation during the many stages of dealing with the possibility of death and help should always be just a nudge away and easy to navigate.

Peace…
Hugs…
Well Being...
Cath

Mothers Day ..... Another Year Around The Calendar

Today is another Mother's Day and another Mother's Day without Di. 
The calendar moves so quickly from one birthday to the next holiday.
The "marker" the "place" chosen for her "marker" is one that fills me with sadness nevertheless it is the marker....the day that I left that "place" and every time after that I visit that "place" I find myself walking away with the same sentiment...
"I'll save a place in my heart for you" as I leave that marked place.
I only wish everyday that I did not have to have a place "saved" in my heart for the memory of Di because this is where the hurt remains.  I wish she was here so that I could give her a Mother's Day card and hear that boisterious laugh and get one of those terrific Di hugs that I have missed...

Love to Di and her mother and sister and all of the other mothers out there today and always that give unconditional love.

Peace, Love and Hugs...
Cath

Why, God?

This article appeared in the New York Times by columnist Maureen Dowd and I found the title very intriguing and after reading the article and some of the reader comments and perspectives I thought this would be an article that should be shared.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/26/opinion/dowd-why-god.html?src=me&ref=general

Birthday Girl Chloe

Today marks another birthday for one of Di's girls.
I cannot believe how quickly time has passed since she left us and how sad I still am that she is not here to wish her youngest a very happy birthday. 
She is with us in spirit and she will continue to be Mom for her children and the love that she gave will forever stay in their hearts.

Happy Birthday Chloe.  May the love that you your mom gave to you run through your spirit and land in your heart today!

Peace, Good Birthday Wishes and LOVE always.....
Cath

Earth Day 2012

Today is the 42nd annual Earth Day!

Earth Day 2012

Peace, hope and love,
Cath

Happy Easter!

Peace and Love and Hugs
Another holiday remembering....
Cath

A Poet Angel

I have spoken about Adrienne Rich and the poetry reading that Di and I attended and one of her most famous works in past blog posts.  She passed away Tuesday, March 27th, 2012 and has joined the brigade of angels in heaven and I am sure that she has brought her book of poems and is writing in a frenzy as I type here. 

The words that Adrienne wrote are compelling, timeless, a visonary of feminism and a woman that stood by her convictions through the turbulent times that she lived in. 

Another of her poems is "Song" that epotimizes the issue of being and feeling alone in this big world.
Lonely is how I feel when I think about Di and how much I miss her everyday.

Song

by Adrienne Rich


You're wondering if I'm lonely:
OK then, yes, I'm lonely
as a plane rides lonely and level
on its radio beam, aiming
across the Rockies
for the blue-strung aisles
of an airfield on the ocean.

You want to ask, am I lonely?
Well, of course, lonely
as a woman driving across country
day after day, leaving behind
mile after mile
little towns she might have stopped
and lived and died in, lonely


If I'm lonely
it must be the loneliness
of waking first, of breathing
dawns' first cold breath on the city
of being the one awake
in a house wrapped in sleep


If I'm lonely
it's with the rowboat ice-fast on the shore
in the last red light of the year
that knows what it is, that knows it's neither
ice nor mud nor winter light
but wood, with a gift for burning

NPR Morning Edition - Soundbites and Interview

Peace, Love, Treasures and Silences....
Cath

Fond Memories, Replacements and Direction

Di

It’s too late for me to find another GIRL.  There’s not enough time to find and hold another one dear.

I don’t want to have to rely on my memory to stay bright and long; I want to document the things, the people, the stuff, the days, the time, the energy and the memories of my beloved.  Natalie Merchant sings about My Beloved Wife on one of her cds and I remember vividly the night that Di and I went to see her in concert so many years ago.  I didn’t have a date; as usual during that time in my life when I was shunning all male-kind for being jerks and Di was there to pick me up, dust me off and make me enjoy the little things that life had to offer like sitting at the pottery wheel and singing, sitting in the car and chatting for what seemed like forever then or just hanging out drinking a cup of joe. 

The concert hall was fabulous and on the grand piano, there was a bunch of six calla lilies, all white and bursting with life.  The music started and we were in the front row, center aisle.  I had won the tickets from a radio call-in.  I had never won anything from a radio show before and Di was the first person I thought of taking when I heard I had won.  Music was in Di’s soul; it had always been there, I think.  When she got nervous, I could hear her humming.  Sometimes during an exam that we took (we always took classes together no matter if I needed the class or not), I think that I could hear her sweet voice humming far above the octaves of the silence in the room.  And then she would crack her knuckles; that big busty beautiful ring of hers would move and shimmer.  As she bent her index finger on her right hand, she would wrap her left hand around the other in a cuddling motion and you would hear a little crack; nothing boisterous, just a calm breath that her muscles took every once in awhile.  She was a lefty. God I miss that.  I miss knowing that those hands of hers will not be there to dial the phone to call me, to give me a hug, to point her finger at me in both approving and disapproving ways.  I just plain miss it. 

Our history began “many moons ago” as Di would say.

It was uncomplicated in the purest sense. 

We were both taking an Abnormal Psychology class and attending a much unorganized study group.

I looked at her, she looked at me.

She came and sat next to me. 

She had a bright yellow shirt on, beautiful red hair and a huge purse.

I can’t say I wasn’t scared,  but I was a little unsure of this very approachable being.

She smiled so big and when she sat next to me,  and I felt a sense of calmness and I think at that point somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that this friendship would last.

We chatted and giggled about the ‘leader’ of the study group and both of us grumbled about this darn class that brought us together.  The teacher had no sense of anything other than him and wanted to spend the entire class lecture talking about his experiences and then always ended the class with telling us to read the text even though we never once opened a page of the text in the class.  All tests would be from the book.  Oh great. 

We were both worried that we would fail the class for sure if something did not get moving with this study group and Di told me that I could come to her house and we could study together. 
I took her up on that and showed up on her doorstep a few evenings later.

That changed my life forever.
We realized connections that evening because a good friend of mine had just lost her brother and I told Di that I needed to leave early to go to the wake and as we chatted I realized that my good friend had been neighbors with Di and her family.  Such a small world. 

With Di, I was forced to look in different directions in my life that I had not peeked into for many years.

There was a real family here with real kids and real dinner and a wonderful amazing dog named Airplane with ears that as Emily described would easily take him into flight.  Spike and Spur were also the resident cats in their household. It was a true home with love and loudness and laughter.

Em was young, Ben was younger and Chloe was just a little one.  Now they are all practically grown up and full functioning and stable minded young adults all with their own sense of passion and kindness.

I was always so proud to talk about Di and Jerome and the way that they had over the years raised their kids.  There is such an influence of every genre of music and the arts and the occasional comic relief with a bit of theology thrown in for good measure.  God is the center of things and had always been in the their household. 

At the old house (before the Blvd house), I remember the laundry shoot that Di absolutely hated, the basement where Jerome and his boys jammed and where we smoked an endless amount of cigarettes and spent hours talking and laughing.  The tiny kitchen where for the first time that Di cut my hair, she made me sit on that little stool and she pulled out all of her tools and just went to work right in the middle of the tiny kitchen.  We gabbed about the little things in life while she cut my hair like she was snipping the herbs that she was growing in her kitchen window that she added to fabulous recipes, Ellen and the coming out show when she told America she was a lesbian to the marble that was broken in the long buffet that lined the east wall in the dining room that was always an agnst.  And the house and the place where I introduced them to my soul mate.  Those are memories that can never be forgotten and memories that leave me a little teary eyed because I can't go back to that time ever again. 

Time is a direction and a place and an attitude that forces us to make changes and find replacements while we revel in the background.

Peace and Love and Kindness,
Cath

Happy Valentine's Day

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short.... storypeople.com

Peace and Love and Hearts and Hugs today...

Remembering the first time I gave Di a Valentine's Day card and it said I loved her just like a mom......and I truly meant it then as I do today and as I will tomorrow......

Cath

Jerome - Happy Birthday

Jerome,



Another year gone by so fast and upon us is another birthday.
I am sure that Di is sending hugs your way and I am sending my words of wishes to you.

Take care of YOU and celebrate your day just the way you want to!

Peace always,
Cath

Poem - Life Is Short - We've So Much To Do Yet

Remembering going to many book and poetry readings with Di over the years at UNO, there were a few writers that touched my soul and few others that I wish I had the pleasure of meeting and listening to.  Di and I talked about this poem written by Adrienne Rich and I had hoped that she would be one of the writers at one of the seminars but it never happened.  Di and I talked about the enormity of the words used in From An Atlas of the Difficult World prior to her being diagnosed with cancer but I think that this poem was a preclude to what lies in every stretch of every imagination and the importance of always understanding that there is difficulty and there is also a way around the difficulty even if it is not the way we wish it would be....


From An Atlas of the Difficult World


I know you are reading this poem
late, before leaving your office
of the one intense yellow lamp-spot and the darkening window
in the lassitude of a building faded to quiet
long after rush-hour. I know you are reading this poem
standing up in a bookstore far from the ocean
on a grey day of early spring, faint flakes driven
across the plains' enormous spaces around you.
I know you are reading this poem
in a room where too much has happened for you to bear
where the bedclothes lie in stagnant coils on the bed
and the open valise speaks of flight
but you cannot leave yet. I know you are reading this poem
as the underground train loses momentum and before running
up the stairs
toward a new kind of love
your life has never allowed.
I know you are reading this poem by the light
of the television screen where soundless images jerk and slide
while you wait for the newscast from the intifada.
I know you are reading this poem in a waiting-room
of eyes met and unmeeting, of identity with strangers.
I know you are reading this poem by fluorescent light
in the boredom and fatigue of the young who are counted out,
count themselves out, at too early an age. I know
you are reading this poem through your failing sight, the thick
lens enlarging these letters beyond all meaning yet you read on
because even the alphabet is precious.
I know you are reading this poem as you pace beside the stove
warming milk, a crying child on your shoulder, a book in your

hand because life is short and you too are thirsty.

I know you are reading this poem which is not in your language

guessing at some words while others keep you reading

and I want to know which words they are.

I know you are reading this poem listening for something, torn

between bitterness and hope

turning back once again to the task you cannot refuse.

I know you are reading this poem because there is nothing else

left to read there where you have landed, stripped as you are.

-- Adrienne Rich

Peace and love and kindness and tears all tucked into one little perfect basket with so much left to do yet and so much that never got done...

Cath

Happy Birthday Em

Today is your birthday.
What a special day for such a special daughter.

May your day be filled with happiness and may you always be wrapped in the love from your mom.

Peace.
Good wishes.
Love.
Cath

Merry Christmas

Warmth and Light and Heart

It’s only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

– Antoine de Saint Exupery

Peace and Light...
Love and Shelter...
Cath

Happy Birthday Ben

Today is a special day for Di's "boy" Benno....
Thinking of you today and always.

May you be filled with memories and feel the hugs from those that love you...
Cath

Miss Her: 730 days

As much as I try

I know that I never said enough hellos

To get me through that final goodbye

As much as I try

I can’t fight the tears that both stream down my face

And line the inner part of my soul with the loss

That I keep feeling even after this time that has passed

As much as I try

I know that I never said enough hellos

To get me through that final goodbye

The last day that I held your hand

Kissed your forehead twice; once for me and once for him

And voice cracking unable to verbalize my love 

In that crowded room of love

I knew then that there would be no more hellos

To get me through that final goodbye...

Forever in my heart, Di.
Forever missed and time does not heal the wounds it only masks the sadness.
I miss her more than ever today when I think back to clutching the phone and holding the wall up the day that I knew I would never hear Di call me Cath again.

Peace and tenderness and goodness and sunlight and stars to guide us all today...
Cat

The total time span from 2009-11-15 to 2011-11-15 is 17,520 hours.

This is equivalent to 1,051,200 minutes.
You can also convert 730 days to 63,072,000 seconds.

Can I Borrow A Cup or Two of Faith?

Monologues of Life

First Published: Monday, September 30, 1991
by Richard Corliss, Time Magazine

"We all live monologues. These conversations with ourselves are the endless, anarchic commentary running in our brains. They contain — just barely — our rage and desperation. They are the rough drafts of spoken discourse, the side trips into daydream irrelevancies, the lusts and prejudices left unsaid but so deeply felt. Ultimately, our interior monologues amount to a lifelong novel in progress, or perhaps the world's windiest suicide note. Transcribed, they could tell more about what we are than everything we do."


Our lives are depictions of 'snapshots' in time, places we were, things we did and the memories of the past.  Whether it be commentary, notes in a shoebox or those thoughts and words we huddle in the corner to hide away from others, they are all our thoughts and they are important and newsworthy and part of us through every step we take on our journeys.

I find this article so interesting, so poignant, so "present" at this time in my life.  In our journey through life we collect mementos, catalog our snapshots both tangible and those in our memory and these are the things that are the most 'telling' of our lives, our history, our souls.  It's the little things in our lives that mean the very most.

Peace today and always.

Cath

Another Birthday for 'My Girl' 10.16.2011

I still have that little yellow sticky note taped to the side of my computer monitor; it's been here for 3 years and a day as a reminder I placed there 3 years ago to remember to buy a card for Di.  I still can't bear to take it down...the tape is still holding it firmly and it's a reminder for me everyday of that last birthday that Di had.  The last birthday that I brought a card to her.

I could really use a Di hug right about now...
Time marches on but the hurt remains the same...

Peace.

Love.

Rememberance.
Longing for a whisper of the past...
Cath

Always In My Heart.....



"To live in the hearts we leave behind is to never die." Carl Sagan

Peace.
Love.
Kindness.
Living on in my heart always...

Cath

Oct 9 - Imagine Peace Project

On October 9, 2011, Yoko Ono will relight the Imagine Peace Tower in Reykjavik, Iceland in memory of John Lennon. 


Peace Tower



You can go to http://imaginepeacetower.com/ for a live feed on the day of the event. 

Another link for the life, legacy and ramblings of John Lennon and Yoko can be found here:

http://imaginepeace.com/     





Peace.
Love.
Freewill.
Strawberry Fields Forever.
Cath

Knowing Where To Go In The Vastness

"It would be a lie to say that she was healed, heart full as an udder again. But I can tell you she was precisely where she needed to be, even in her brokenness, and she would know where to go from here." --Maya Stein, Crossing the Border https://mayastein.com/ Peace.
Tenderness.
Love.
Cath

The Heart of Life

October - Paint It Pink

Peace.
Cath

Message To Heaven

Northern Ireland farmer's crop circle message to sister in heaven Northern Ireland

Peace.
Rememberance.
Hope.
Faith.
Cath

9/11 Never Forget

Today is the 10th anniversary of 9/11.
Never Forget.

9/11's Days of Mourning

Peace Today and Always...

Cath

Soul Friends by O'Donohue

The Irish poet and philosopher John O'Donohue was beloved for his book Anam Ċara, Gaelic for "soul friend," and for his insistence on beauty as a human calling and a defining aspect of God. In one of his last interviews before his death in 2008, he articulated a Celtic imagination about how the material and the spiritual, the visible and the invisible worlds intertwine in human experience.

We all have "soul friends" in our lives.  People that we connect with, people we think of often, people we miss when we lose touch, people that we know have our back in every situation, people that offer a shoulder to cry on when they know we need one and people that we just could not take a breath without.  Some of us have large circles of soul friends and others of us have small circles of soul friends.  I can count on one hand the soul friends that I have and unfortunately I can count on the other hand the soul friends that are now only with me in spirit and heart and rememberance.  Cherish those that are dear and embrace those that are important to you. 

“Beannacht” — by John O'Donohue is a word that has been translated as both “blessing” and “passage.” It’s about finding comfort in loss.  Taking comfort in knowing that we are not alone is what is truly important.
Let us be touched by the lives of those that have passed and let us take comfort in the soul friendships we have made along the path of life.

About Beannacht

PEACE AND STRENGTH.....important aspects of John O'Donohue's life and legacy...

Peace.
Thoughtfulness.
Strength
Cath

Helping To Create Those "good" Memories....

A good friend, confidant, and one that is having struggles of her own....

Prayers.

Peace.

Successfulness.

Healing.

To Lead a long life.

My Sparky.

My 'other' girl...

Lazy Days and Sundays....

Summer Beauty...

The other day I was in the garden and saw a baby bird struggling to learn to fly from my deck.
I prodded him with kind words and snapped his photo...his little legs looked a little shaky.
He finally took off in flight to the nearest top of a tree. 

Encourage one another.
Give those that need your help soft and kind words.
Peace.

Wishing Well

Tonight I was reminded of the impact of the importance of connections in our lives.  You know when something is real, loaded with heart and soul and is everlasting and it's just so sad that pain and suffering and loss and missed connections is what brought me to this place.  I have visited this place before and shed tears but tonight was the first time in a very long time that I heard that song...performed so eloquently...so purely by not two but three...it was perfect, poignant and purposeful.  I remember hearing that song in the same format so very long ago when all of our hearts were raw and exposed and I cried tonight...as I did that afternoon in the same month of June but many light years prior.  I felt full circle, I felt older, I felt comprehensibly wiser but my heart was still hurting.

Many things that were said in rememberance were full of positive and tenacious and faithful caring and struggle and strife over luxury by a caring soul that truly was generous.  And how everything that has happened thus far has happened for a reason and how everyone involved were supposed to be right where they had been at that very time.  Call it destiny, call it responsibility or call it whatever you like, but the simple fact and truth of the matter is that pieces in the puzzle of life fall into place and fit perfectly with a little tug and a wiggle and these parts and pieces are what shape us throughout the road of our lives.  What may not seem clear or attainable at the time can bring a realization after the fact that it was done the way it was supposed to happen....all along.   

I spent a long time contemplating the importance of what was said specifically by a good friend, a friend that had just lost his mother and how he kept coming back to the realization that it's too late now to hear the stories, ask the questions and get the answers.  We never really ever learn during our lives that asking the seemingly unimportant questions when we think of them makes those questions and the answers to them very important.  We all do it.  We all put it off until another day.  We all regret this throughout our lives.  I am as guilty as the next person because I have not asked those questions, prodded for those answers and frankly, I'm scared to do; scared that it will take my feelings, thoughts and imaginative past into another arena that I'm not sure that I am ready to take on.  I know that I too will be sorry one day.   

I felt that exact way the last day that I spent with Di and inside my heart I knew the last time that I listened to her voice, heard her sing to me, held her hand tightly, hugged her and kissed her sweet cheek would be really truly be the last time that I would have the opportunity to "hear" her ever again.  I am still so sorry that I did not take more time out of my life to spend with Di.

John Donne - Poet, 1624

Meditation 17, from Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, 1624

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

We are all pieces of one another.
Be kind to one another today.
We are richer for having one another.

Peace today and tomorrow as we clamor into the thoughts, blessings and love of those we have loved, that love us and those that one day we will learn to love.  Shelter one another always.  It's all we have and all that we will remember.

Cath

Poetry and Purpose

From Garrison Keillor's magnificent collection of poems, Good Poems for Hard Times:

"Poetry is a necessity as simple as the need to be touched and similarly a need that is hard to enunciate. The intense vision and high spirits and moral grandeur are simply needed lest we drift through our days consumed by clothing options and hair styling and whether to have the soup or the salad.  The meaning of poetry is to give courage..."


"Forget everything you ever read about poetry...poetry is the last preserve of honest speech and the outspoken heart."

Many years ago Di introduced me to A Prairie Home Companion on public radio and instantly I was hooked by the eloquence of the prose and the stories that were catapulted from those radio transmissions.  The most memorable memory I have of listening to a Saturday evening radio program was one of the times that Di and Jerome and the kids all invited me to go to De Soto Bend with them....it was an early adventure of learning, laughs and bit of uneasiness on my part partly because it was the first time in quite some time that I had traveled with children and really felt part of a family.  We wandered the grounds of the park and nature preserve, the kids oogled at the wildlife, I touched the many trees, took photos and lived in the hands of a good family with good love.  As we drove back to their house we listened to the antics of A Prairie Home Companion, the kids sung along to the quirky songs and in between the words and the prose there was laughter and delight and chatter from Di explaining to me what this strange radio program was all about during the commercials and that memory is still  fresh in my soul.   I will never forget it.  "It" is a part of me still today, just like it was that autumn day many years ago when Di introduced me or as she liked to say "educated" me....

Perfect prose...Perfect words...Perfect Timing...Perfect Friend...

Take a few minutes to listen to some quick podcasts here if you don't have an IPhone or the App:

http://americanpublicmedia.publicradio.org/podcasts/xml/prairie_home_companion/news_from_lake_wobegon.xml

Good times...
Good memories...
Bring both smiles and tears...
Cath

Memorial Day Weekend Thoughts

In life we do things all for different reasons and this weekend is very indicative of this phrase. 
We do things for other people, we support people, we cherish people, we celebrate people, we offer a shoulder to cry on, we offer a hug as we extend our hearts and try to heal from the past. 

This weekend was no exception to the reasons why as individuals we care so very much and we hurt so very much.  I found myself sitting off to the side in a church, feeling as alone as I did the day that I took my first walk and my first breath and my first seat to attend Di's memorial.

Peace.
Forever.
Love.
Cath

Joplin Tornado

Social Media

The images, the stories the loss and the sheer magnitude of the eruption of the tornado that decimated Joplin Missouri will be forever etched in the memory of our nation.

From the rubble so many “things” that are mere tangible items are worn and tattered as if they have been through a war, artillery attack or an explosion.
The gut-wrenching stories of those that lived through this horrific ordeal and those that watched their loves ones perish or are still looking and holding onto the hope that they will be found tatters the landscape of this sleepy community that in its pristine elegance used to be lined with trees and greenery and the American Dream of each and every one of its citizens. May 22, 2011, shows the tragic power of weather and how it can topple, tumble and torment with such a tumultuous intensity.
It’s all like a bad, bad dream. Like the nightmare that won’t let you go, won’t let you wake up until you’ve endured the impossible, the unspeakable and when it finally does, you wake in a cold sweat with your mind swirling about if what you have experienced is real or imagined.

My thoughts and prayers are with this entire community as they try to recover, rebuild and find a sense of normalcy amdist the chaos.  Let the memories be a guide to the future and know that we will never forget.

Love.
Peace.
Prayer.
Donate.
Pay it forward.
Help those that would help you in a tragedy.

Mother's Day Without a Very Special Mother...Again

Today is Mother's Day and there is a pull inside me like a cord that's being tug too tightly.  Wandering through my soul I felt the lonliness yesterday as I passed through the card aisle and I knew I had no need to buy one of those tactile reminders of how great of a mother she is.  I know in my heart that Di was a great mother every day and every minute and the proof of her teachings, accomplishments and love can be found in her children, everyday. Today of course is just another day but it weighs heavily on my mind this early morning like the dew sitting on a new spring flower almost ready to tip it over from the weight. 

I think I will spend some time today both in reflection and also with Mother Earth and turn some soil to ready the earth for my garden. 

A very special Mother's Day....Di, her Mom and Sister

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers that make such a difference in our lives.

Peace.

Happy Birthday Chloe Girl...

Today is Chloe's birthday and I'm sure that on this day she will be celebrating and also thinking back to the last birthday she spent with her mom.  Hold those memories dear and close to your heart, honey. I know Chloe that your mom is always with you and this is something you can cherish forever...her never-ending spirit that lives within you.

Happy Birthday Chloe Girl!

Know that if you ever need anything; I'm there for YOU...

Peace forever,

Cat

Pluralism - A Journey

Wouldn't this just be a wonderful tribute to the loved ones we have lost? ...

“Floating Lanterns” by Dwight K Morita.  2010. 

Pluralism Project Photography Contest Grand Prize Winner

 Pluralism

I found this wonderful site while I was doing some research for a paper I have been writing and I was in awe at the magnificent photography on this site.  In 1991, Harvard University began a study of the impact of the changing religious landscape from a global diversity perspective.    

I had never really thought about what the term pluralism really meant until I spent some time researching and reading about the importance of it in everyone's daily lives. 

There are 4 main areas that define pluralism:

the energetic engagement with diversity

the active seeking of understanding across lines of difference

the encounter of commitments

and all communications must be based on dialogue

Looking at the importance of this project, the outcomes and the impression that it can leave on a community is amazing.  People coming together, connecting, appreciating, living and loving not based on what religion they practice, what color their skin is or what income bracket they classify their home and belongings is some of the most important aspects of defining, reaching out and grasping the overall gravity of this movement.  I say "movement" because this is paramount to overcoming the walls and grudges that we as both a nation and as individuals sometimes put up when there is something that is foreign or misunderstood.  We are all guilty of this at one time or another in our lives and this project truly emulates the importance of tolerance and fruitful existence. 

What important words to live by....

The "Floating Lanterns" depicted in the above photo is described on the Pluralism website as:

These floating lanterns memorialize those that have passed away at Ala Moana Park in Honolulu, Hawaii.  As the sun sets in the background, small boats with Buddhist monks and church volunteers help to launch and shepherd the small armada of lantern ships, each inscribed with sentiments from family and friends.  This traditional Buddhist practice began as a small ritual, but has since grown to become a major event attracting thousands of people of all faiths from around the world. 

What a wonderful tribute to our loved ones...

On the cusp of today and the tiptoes of tomorrow.

Just my thoughts.

Good Vibes.

Happiness.

Peace.

Cath

Spring Is Here....Finally

Earth Day 2011: A Billion Acts of Green® | Earth Day Network

Earth Day 2011: A Billion Acts of Green® Earth Day Network

Pledge Music - Record Store Day Celebration

Di loved music so much and brought it into so many aspects of her life.
This painting is one that she did many years ago and it is so timeless.  I remember watching her paint with such clarity. 

Record Store Day April 16, 2011 - Celebrate the impact that every teeny, tiny record store has had on great music over the years.  As our sights steer further away from the concrete vinyl that we all knew as kids and moves further towards downloadable tracks, online purchases and the familiarity of Mp3's let's not forget the basis of it all.

This link is fabulous; Pledge Music is a site that allows us to give of ourselves to help artists produce more music and at the same time benefit charities.  It's a win-win for everyone!

Be Gentle With Your Soul Today

I heard this and was taken aback...wondering how I could be gentle with my soul, how I could cause others to be gentle also.  The payoff is the quiet times that you can find in a little spot of sun or against a wall leaning and breathing and feeling the wind as it brushes over and around your face in a little kiss from the wind. 

We are all so busy, my famous line is "I don't have time for this" or Now? as I ask when I feel that I'm being pulled in yet another direction when in fact it's just casual conversation saying we should do this or that or whatever, but not right now.  My mind jumps and then methodically my mouth releases that resounding response that is normally misconstrued as me thinking it needs to be done at that very moment. As my mind categorically tries to find logic and mix around the many pieces of the projects and jobs that I'm performing or due to be performing so that I can fit this one thing into my schedule I find myself saying yes to too many things.  I guess I have never really "not" known what it is like to not be busy and running and dashing and darting from one thing to the next big thing in order to try and get ahead when all I do is tend to run in circles because I've never attained the goals that I have set out for myself....yet...

Life is so damn difficult and if someone would have told me a very long time ago to manage things differently, I probably would have laughed at them and said "whatever, okay, okay." But as I look back today, I feel that IF I would have managed things differently, I probably would not need to find the time, take the time and have to make the time in between the hustles of everyday to be gentle with my own soul. 

Peace.

Kindness.

Love.