5.23.2010

The Future and A Very Special Angel

A very special angel is magically and faithfully watching over her family today and placing a special emphasis on her youngest  who celebrates her day of graduation. 

Today marks the end of one segment and the beginning of a brand new phase for Chloe.  What the future brings is unknown to us but what I know is that over the years Di imparted her love, wisdom and grace upon her children to live fully and prosper with kindness, faith and soulfulness. 

Over the years I was in awe at the directions that Di and Jerome taught their children.  There was honesty and openness and always eloquent love. Sometimes it was quiet, hushed or unspoken love and other times it was loud and unrelentless love, but it was always love. It could be counted on.  And it was always there whenever anyone needed a little piece of it.  Always.
The journey of your life Chloe will be rich with the past experiences you have had and fostered with the values and the love that your mother and your family have bestowed upon you for generations to come.

Love you much Chloe

Just wish your mom's wish would have come true and she could be there for this day to make it extra special for her Chloe girl! My heart is with you today and as you move forward with your life remember to keep her memory tucked tightly in your heart and you will never lose your way.

Cath

5.15.2010

6 Month Tab In Time...


182.621099 days
without hearing that contagious laugh 
seeing those blue eyes light up
and feeling the warmth of a Di hug.

People say things like "I can't believe that it's been that long already."  "Where has the time gone?" 
Believe me, I can feel every tick on the clock, every day that adds up to another and the quickness of how it all slips by too fast to soak it all up at once.

Time for me moves too quickly, but in relevance, time is a metaphor for a commodity that we all value for many different reasons. Time is limited, can be shared, communicated, rationalized and can be used to set goals and attain success.  Conceptualization of time is a journey of mental formulation within our own pieces, parts, thoughts, hopes, wishes and dreams.

For me, time at this point, is just another tick on the clock, another step back in the past to pull out the memories that I have lodged in my heart and my soul and my brain.The place that I stepped back into over 6 months ago is a a place that I have forever in my memory of the time that we all still had Di and still had the hopes, the wishes and the dreams of a future.  I still haven't stepped out of that place but every once in awhile I put my tippy toes out there and crick my neck to see if I can see what the future holds. Twice I have been to Di's since she left and I can feel both the emptiness and also the love that still exists in the confines of those house walls. 

I never had the chance to tell Di, to thank Di for the time that she invested in our friendship and the love that she afforded me over the years.  She was always there for me, always made time for me even if she had something else on her calendar of the day.  She made the connection of the conceptualization of time and the importance of it for everyone that was touched by her warmth, generosity and beauty of her soul.

For the first time since we lost Di, I dreamt about her last night.
She was smiling at the dining room table, Jerome, Em, Ben and Chloe and me were all there and she looked beautiful.  We were drinking coffee and discussing talking about the upcoming graduation for Chloe.  Di still had her radiant red hair, her beautiful brilliant smile and she was wearing a blue polo shirt and a pair of capri "skinny" jeans.  I asked her what happened since she looked so skinny and she told me that all the hard work has paid off, she finally lost the weight and then she asked me "what happened to you, Cath?  Why have you gained so much weight?"  I could only tell her that I didn't know why but in the back of mind I remember thinking that since I lost Di I've just went in all different directions and just let things "go".  I remember not telling her these things because I didn't want the dream to end because it felt so real being at her house in the yellow dining room sitting around the table soaking in all of the lines of the walls, the colors and vibrant conversations floating above us all.  It all felt so real.  Until I woke up to the sound of the birds chirping outside my window at 5 a.m. and the cats meowing for their breakfast.  Dammitt.

I have often thought about and mentioned signs of Di in my life and hopefully this dream was the first of many signs and thoughts and feelings that will take me through my years.  I think this was a sign in some
non-descript way, because this is the mark in time that cements 6 months since our loss and this is the first time that I have had any dreams with Di in them. 

I love YOU Di.
I miss YOU Di.
Thank YOU Di

I hope that God is allowing you to share your time and joy and love and warm hugs with everyone, I sure could use one today, from you, though.

Cath

5.14.2010

Just Chillin'

I can picture Di sitting here; just chillin' taking in the warm breeze on an early morning and drinking a cup of coffee....The perfect place for her...

5.09.2010

Mother's Day 2010

Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers; especially to Di's mom, to Jerome's mom and all of the mother figures that make it easier for all of us to get through the tough times in life.

Wish I could bring back Di for one more mother's day to have a fantastic celebration with Jerome and the kids; I'm sure that Em would head to Souq to get Di something amazing and well thought out and there would be dinner at a favorite place or even a big get together with the entire brood of families just to celebrate those special women in our lives that make each day even brighter with their smiles, their words, their hugs, their love and their strength to move through every day with grace and dignity.
Over the years I bought Di mother's day cards because she felt like my mom when she waved her finger at me and told me to behave or gave me "that look" when she didn't approve of something I said or did and she also felt like a sister to me when I could tell her anything and know that she would not condem or judge me but instead would offer kind words, comfort and love when she knew I needed it most. 



"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever." - Unknown



Happy Mother's Day




The people we meet form the foundation of our lives that when built upon allow us to bloom and blossom in ways that we never would have anticipated.