10.16.2010

Birthday Girl 10.16.2010

Happy Birthday to 'my girl' Di
Cancer took you away from us all
Your memory burns bright in my soul
I cherish the honor bestowed upon me to be your friend

Time moves too quickly once we've lost someone...can we go back to last year?  I really need a Di hug today...



I have a little yellow sticky note that has sat taped to my computer monitor for a year and three days now; I put it up there last year not because I would forget Di's birthday, but as a reminder to me to buy her a birthday card.  I've found that the older I get the harder it is for me to remember to do certain things at certain times and I need those visual cues to remind me.  That was last year; this is this year; one year and three days later and that little yellow sticky note is still there taped to the side of my monitor.  I can't take it down, it's too late, I can't crumble it up and toss it, I can't NOT see it everyday and I can't process in my mind today that I missed doing something that I have done for so many years - buy a birthday card for Di.  That hurts and the idea of even entering a card aisle just breaks my heart.  Last year when I went shopping for Di's card I just had a feeling that something wasn't right.  I looked at all the funny cards, the serious cards, the stupid cards and when I finally found 'the one' I remember holding it in my hands and running my fingers over the raised lettering of the words happy birthday and then I completely lost it in the Hallmark aisle and began crying.  I had an overblown attack emotionally and something inside me told me that this was the last birthday card I would buy for Di.  I had never in all of the years that Di struggled with cancer EVER had that feeling of loss.    It's something that still haunts me today.  I even went home and called Di just to chat; I think I called her to ease my mind of wandering any further...and she was fine...she sounded tired but she was good, she told me so when I outright asked her.  I can remember her saying "I'm good, Cath".  I could breathe and function and move forward after I hung up the phone knowing that I would see her in a couple of days when I stopped by to wish her a happy birthday...the last birthday.........ever



 Peace.

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The people we meet form the foundation of our lives that when built upon allow us to bloom and blossom in ways that we never would have anticipated.