10.16.2010

Connecting The Dots...Making Sense of It All...

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
   -- Steve Jobs


Connecting the dots and making sense of it all seems like a daunting task; one that requires work and diligence and commitment.  I can look backward in my mind and find all my dots and see all of the times that I made the "connections" with my life through friends and love and experiences.  When we do something or say something, we trust that what we do or say will be heard and will be correct and at the time; I think that we just trust that what we do or say will take us further and hence, connect the dots to our future. 
Trusting in your gut and your emotions puts a high price on what the return will be, but it's the trust part that we have to depend upon to be true and correct; that everything will work out in the long run...or at least we hope it will work out...

All of us depend to an extent on trust even if we don't believe it or not. 
We all trust that people are going to stop at the red traffic light, we trust that our job will be there for us tomorrow, we trust that we will be happy with a good home cooked meal and companionship, we trust that God has a plan and we are part of it, we trust that our neighbors will help us when we need it, we trust that our friends will be there for us, we trust that our soul mate or husband or wife will not leave us, we trust that our car will start everyday, we trust that our home will be safe from intruders, we trust that our children and our animals will remain healthy and happy and live long lives and we trust that our friends and family will outlive us so that we do not have to shelter the burden of their loss alone; without them.

In my opinion, this is wrong.
We all tend to be selfish when it comes to trust  and we "trust" that trust will be there for us tomorrow and all of the times that we truly need it.  But really, it can't be there for us all of the time, can it?
We wish upon a star, but do we allow for the time needed when that star is not there?  Or do we think about the time it took for that star to be born?  Do we look past the twinkling and really wonder why we are here and where we are going?  That's trust and so many of us just allow it be the catalyst for what is to come, what is to be, what is to happen. What we think it should be for US.
Can we really live our lives and do this?
Can we "trust" that the stars will be up above and the soft grass below wriggling between our toes?
I can't answer that and it brings pain to my heart.  To my life.  To my relationship with my God and my feelings and my thoughts and I wonder why on earth is this life that I'm living so different today than it was yesterday and could I have made changes that would dictate where I was today if I had changed one thing yesterday or last year on October 15, 2010?

It all boils down to if I could change the world, re-connect the dots and make them all appear in perfect alignment, turn back the clock to last year could I have made some type of distinction and known that one year later things would be so different?

If I only had a crystal ball, maybe tonight I would peer into it and see that things really are not that bad, the dots are starting to connect for me on the good days and inside my crystal ball I can see a redhead inside a little heart shaped box who is grinning ear to ear.

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