NOBILITY and GOING HOME
There is a saying that grief and knowing grief is noble and noteworthy and emblematic of the love that we have for those that have departed too soon. Nowhere does it say that this is going to be easy. Struggling with the death of a loved one whether it is a family member or close friend is exactly that; a struggle. Before the death of a loved one we go about our day and after the death we go about our day in a different way with shards of glass remembrances and utter sadness. Sometimes the silhouettes of sunshine give us glimpses of our loved one but more often than not I find that the sun pierces my eyes with light that I’m not accustomed to. I need the shade to shelter me. Many think that I have moved on; even I believe, my husband thinks this. Crying in the dark spaces of my soul at opportune times allows me to continue the grieving process, I believe. Some I am sure would argue with me. Moments and memories I have are tied to the string that binds my heart to its internal organs keeping me ticking through every day. Having people tug at my string every once in awhile is what keeps me going and moving forward. It’s the things that people want and the bills that I have to pay that keeps me getting up and going through the motions of the days. I want to stress that I am moving forward, but NOT on. It’s still too early to move on.
How do people move on? Do they just close that awesome book they’ve been reading for years and years and put it back on the shelf to gather dust? Or, do they ignore the resemblance of reminders that link them to their lost loved one? Maybe some are able to deal better than others but does this make those people more pristine than all the rest of us? Are these people who are able to move through the dying process quickly and without much care only prolonging their alleged fate of suffering or do we silently want to call them heartless or uncaring? Questions to ask, inventories to prod and time machines to invent. What does all of this say about our world, our lives our relationships with loved ones and with God?
Just my ramblings…